Excuses

Apparently I’m in a silly mood today.  Feel free to contribute your own in the comments.

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Dear God,

Please excuse my son Satan for his dreadful behavior the other day.  His dog died just last week, and he’s been very moody and sad ever since.  Trying to take over Heaven is a normal, if irritating, part of the grieving process.  I’m sure you’ll understand.

Sincerely, Lilith

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Dear Emperor Augustus,

Please excuse my daughter Cleopatra for having committed suicide rather than be captured and displayed in the Triumphal Parade.  She has PMS that day and overreacted.  Thank you.

Sincerely, Ptolemy

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Dear Lucrezia,

Please forgive your brother Cesare for murdering your husband.  You know how boys are – ever since his bout of syphilis he’s been getting all sorts of silly notions in his head, with the funny clothes and the masks and whatnot.  I’m sure the attacks on your husband were just another melodramatic game.

Sincerely, Rodrigo Borgia

Post inspired by a half-remembered chapter of Teacher Man, which I had to read in college once.  I never finished it.  I should find my copy and do so.

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